CHAINED AND SHACKLED

The Restraint of Dead Republican

by Fredrick Ulysess Kaufman

FK: So.... how's it going?
DR: (laughs) Just wonderful.
FK: So... what is this all about?
DR: To tell you the truth, I really don't know. I can't really talk specifically about what's going on but it is true that there is a restraining order on me prohibiting me to record until the court case is over.
FK: Is this political?
DR: (deep breath) I can't really say that. (another pause) What I can say is this. What's going on out there is really scary! You say "internet" to certain people and they get this reflex action where they treat you like a child pornographer or bizarre sex pervert.... and now a cult member!
FK: I take it you've heard the alt.netted.out rumor?
DR: Yeah, I saw it posted on one of the newsgroups. That's actually pretty funny.
FK: Are you saying the restraining order had nothing to do with the upcoming lawsuit?
DR: In its original form, no. The revised restraining order is a bit more reasonable, albeit still unfair.
FK: Can you say anything about what this lawsuit is about?
DR: No. We're being very careful, we don't want to piss off any more people than we have to. Even this interview puts me at risk because something I say may be construed as a violation of the gag order.
FK: That explains why your lawyer is sitting right next to you.
DR: Yeah well. What I'm really pissed off about is this internet bullshit! I know what they're trying to do.
FK: And what is that?
DR: Basically, it goes like this. We've got this new medium where all of the sudden there's a whole new set of rules. People who would have never heard of Dead Republican or UnderGround Milhouse are getting exposed to us. But this just ain't about us, this is happening to everyone with a computer, modem and an internet account. Anyway these fuckers are trying to get these ridiculous, highly unconstitutional court cases won to set a precedent and create some ridiculous laws. Then they get to work their way backwards into the more "traditional" modes of communication. Think I'm lying? Check it out for yourself! I won't be suprised if zines become the next target!
FK: It sounds like you're on a crusade.
DR: Fuck that, I'm just talking about what's going on. I'm not trying to be a poster boy for free speech or anything but this is something that's clearly wrong. Look at how CNN blew this mass suicide into some sort of internet thing. I mean, they really fucked up, in my opinion.
FK: Do you think it's intentional?
DR: Of course! We're competing with them! (lawyer whispers something into Dead Republican's ear. Dead Republican nods.) Okay. We have to talk about something else.
FK: What are you going to do in the meantime?
DR: Well, I really can't record so I guess I'll be working on the business side of the Milhouse until everything is straightened out. One of the things we're going to do is release alt.netted.out from Society: Part One as a single or maxi-single. We just have to make sure it's okay. I'm also writing a script for a movie under a [different] pen name.
FK: That should be interesting.
DR: (laugh) Yeah, maybe I'll get the chair for that one!